Being stood up is the worst.
It happened to me more than once when I was online dating, and each time I was completely dumbfounded.
I’d been texting and talking with a guy, looking forward to meeting him, and then… he didn’t show. No call, no excuse, no “I’m running late”. Nothing.
It can make a person feel completely insane, sitting at a table in a coffee shop, watching the time tick by. Your date isn’t answering your texts… it’s like he doesn’t exist.
Or you don’t.
That’s how I felt each time it happened. Like I was not enough of a person to warrant someone’s time. I can still remember the awful feeling. A deadness inside, numbness covering up the mistaken feeling that I must not be worth showing up for.
Sometimes the guy would pop up a few days later with some half-baked story about why he’d ghosted, trying to get me back on the hook again.
Of course, wanting to prove I was worthy by showing how understanding, caring, and laid back I was, I’d give him a second chance. And of course, he would bail again.
What a crock!
The truth is, it was easier to be “understanding” than to decide I was worth more. It was easier to accept shitty behavior than to stand up for what I deserved.
If you, too, find yourself making excuses for guys, ask yourself this… Do you want a relationship with someone who makes you their top priority?
If so, consider how they are showing up (or not showing up) from the very beginning.
Do they take a long time to answer when you message them? Do they cancel dates, or no-show and then offer all kinds of excuses? Trust me, this is not an opportunity for you to show how understanding and “laid back” you are.
This is the time to show up for yourself and say “NEXT!”
When someone values you, NOTHING will keep them from being there. And you’re worth it.
You got this.
Jen Mallinger is a trained Martha Beck Life Coach. A former boy chaser, hopeless romantic, survivor of the dating desert, and highly sensitive intimacy avoider, she is now married to the greatest guy ever. She loves sharing insights and action-steps for those looking for love and reciprocity in relationships.