This is your year...I know it can be hard to believe, especially when you’ve spent months or even years in unwanted single-dom, but your great guy is out there.
If you're feeling skeptical, believe me, I understand. I spent many years trying my hardest to be all positive and hopeful and open to meeting new guys, all the while feeling more and more discouraged every freaking day.
Here's another thing I did you may relate to... in an attempt to avoid the wrong guys, I ended up developing a whole set of rules about who I would date. Here are a few of them: He needed to be close to my age, have at least a 4-year college degree, and he could NOT be a Pisces! LOL.
These rules were an attempt to avoid past situations that had made me miserable, that I’d stayed stuck in for way too long.
The thing is, I had to throw them all out the window when I met my love (although he’s a Capricorn not a Pisces, thank God!).
Because here’s the truth. We don’t yet know what your guy looks like, how tall he is, or what he does for a living. We can’t predict how many exes he’ll have, how much money he makes, or his age (trust me on this one).
But I can say, with absolute certainty, that if you decide to focus on how you’re treated, you will get really good at identifying GREAT GUYS. Which will magically bring them clamoring to your door!
Let’s make sure we’re all on the same page and define a truly great guy together, so we can know what to be on the lookout for in 2018.
A GREAT GUY is someone you totally dig and find super attractive (yes, please!). He's a guy you have fun talking to and spending time with. He shares your values, and has some awesome life goals.
He’s also a man you feel like you can be yourself around (no more anxious guy-pleasing, HELL no). He doesn’t shut down or act controlling or disappear when you tell him what’s true for you. He wants a commitment, and puts your relationship first in his life. Above all, his goal is to make you happy.
OMG, that is a great guy, am I right?? Consider making this your new standard for who you're willing to date.
Focusing on how guys treat you more than their external traits is one big way to make sure you’re noticing the right ones. In my next article we’re going to talk about another way to recognize your man when he appears.
In the meantime, here's a fun little exercise I invite you to try over the next couple weeks.
Before bed each night, think about your encounters throughout the day, whether with a co-worker, on a date, at a holiday party, or wherever. Think of any time you interacted with a man and he did something for you, however small.
Did a guy open a door for you, offer you a Christmas cookie, or ask how your day was going? Write down anything you can think of. Then look over your list and soak in the feeling of having been given to. This is the art of receiving.
Doing this exercise regularly will keep you focused in the right direction, toward what guys are DOING for you. AND, it will increase your receiving skills!
I hope you consider trying this out. I promise it will transform your dating experience.
I would love to hear what you receive from guys this holiday season. Hit reply and share the gifts!
Xoxo, Adorables! Dreaming of big love for you in the new year.
P.S. Inspiring pop song alert! If you’re looking for some girl-power inspiration, check out this awesome song I’ve been obsessed with lately by Hailee Steinfeld, Most Girls. It’s all about being whoever and however you wanna be. She’s soooo good at standing up for self-love and sisterhood! Plus, hello, Pitch Perfect 3 is almost HEEEERRE!!
P.P.S. If you missed it, check out this speech by my favorite girl crush, Tracee Ellis Ross, where she confronts the view that a woman's life is a failure if she isn't married with kids. "MY LIFE IS MINE". Amen, Tracee, I love you!
Jen Mallinger is a trained Martha Beck Life Coach. A former boy chaser, hopeless romantic, survivor of the dating desert, and highly sensitive intimacy avoider, she is now married to the greatest guy ever. She loves sharing insights and action-steps for those looking for love and reciprocity in relationships.