Many moons ago I was hot for a guy who was absolutely gorgeous. We went out a few times, and then one evening he and his best friend came over to play board games.
His friend wasn’t as conventionally handsome as my date and didn’t spark any interest in me. But when he said he needed to go home to eat, I absolutely COULD NOT let him leave. I proceeded to make him (and NOT my date) dinner! (Yep, I ended up in a relationship with the friend and not the supermodel, LOL).
As love-seeking women many of us have a secret fear. It’s so terrifying we may even stop dating altogether to avoid it. Our secret fear is that we’ll have to date guys we don’t find attractive, if we ever want to find one who adores us.
I’m sorry but, NO thank you!
On the path to true love you will surely end up on a date or two (or many) with guys you don’t feel attracted to. Especially if you’re dating online, it’s hard to know what you’ll encounter in real life compared to someone's profile!
If you’re not feeling it, you don’t have to “give him a chance”, or waste your time trying to make him into the man of your dreams.
But sometimes, like what I encountered on board game night, you’re just not sure. You feel neutral. You’re not turned off, but more like, you’ve barely noticed someone, or maybe you think they’re not your type. Or even – not that you would judge! – not quite up to your standards.
These are the guys who might surprise you. These are the ones you might consider spending a little more time with.
Here’s another example. I am an OBSESSED fan of Bachelor in Paradise. If you’re as hooked as I am, you might remember the season with Evan, the “Erectile Dysfunction Doctor” and Carly, who after kissing him for the first time – in a kissing contest, no less – declared herself completely grossed out. Like, she was NOT having it.
Cut to Evan being rushed to the hospital and Carly right by his side, finding herself inexplicably attracted to him after all. Now they’re married with a cute little baby girl and madly in love.
If Carly had taken some time to check in with her intuition as Evan was pursuing her she might’ve found a small voice telling her to look again. Sometimes a strong “NO” is actually just a fear response to something that's going to shake up your life.
I don’t believe you have to clear every mental block before you can find love – there is a partner out there for you right now! But sometimes we have blocks that cause us to skip over someone with potential. That’s where checking your intuition can help.
The easiest way I’ve found to check my intuition is by reading my “Body Compass”. To do this, ask yourself a yes or no question about a decision you want to make, and then feel into your body.
How does it react? Do you feel expansive, warm, open? Or constricted and tight, like maybe you want to cry? The body will never lie to you. Let it lead you toward what feels good.
By checking your body’s physical reactions, you can trust you won’t miss an opportunity with the man of your dreams, OR stay too long with someone who just isn’t right. You got this!
Jen Mallinger is a trained Martha Beck Life Coach. A former boy chaser, hopeless romantic, survivor of the dating desert, and highly sensitive intimacy avoider, she is now married to the greatest guy ever. She loves sharing insights and action-steps for those looking for love and reciprocity in relationships.